What’s On Your Mind? By Michael A. Harvey

 Spirituality has always been among the ways that people have coped with loss, including hearing loss.

 Dear Dr. Harvey:

 In your column so far, you haven’t talked about the most valuable help that we people with hearing loss can ever receive: the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For example, Matthew 11:26 says, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Isaiah 41:10 says: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Every waking minute, I thank my Lord and Savior for blessing me after I lost most of my hearing at the age of 55. Many people think I’m obsessed because I preach the Gospel every chance I get. But it has saved my soul and has helped me cope with my hearing loss. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if you don’t print this letter, but it would surely help a lot of people. 

God bless,

BD

Atlanta, Georgia

 Dear BD:

Obviously, it would be inappropriate for me to comment on your particular religion or spiritual path, nor do I have the wisdom to do so. Although I cannot speak about souls, I can say a few words about coping. Spirituality – however one defines it – has always been among the two most important ways that people have coped with loss, including hearing loss. (The other way is via peer support.)

Although avoiding the topic of God is often considered safer for polite conversation, ironically, God occupies an inordinate amount of our attention. I’ll never forget my then five-year-old daughter’s astonishment when she learned that the Bible has sold more copies than even The Cat in the Hat! In the face of trauma, suffering or loss, it is often God who is held accountable, even when one questions the existence of a deity. For example, a group of prisoners in a Nazi death camp put God on trial and found God guilty for permitting the atrocities. They condemned God to death. But when the trial was over, the leader announced that it was time for the evening prayer.

Our definitions of God vary widely. Perhaps, as many psychologists speculate, human beings are "wired" to at least consider the question whether there is some indefinable power beyond us. As adults, we often continue to ask ourselves that question, particularly surrounding a crisis or major loss. And what answer we choose for the “God question” strongly influences the way we interpret our experience, including hearing loss.

Traditional medical institutions have recently more openly acknowledged this influence. An article in the local Boston newspaper entitled "Spirituality Makes Rounds" described "new areas of inquiry" for physicians doing medical rounds at Massachusetts General Hospital:

"We need to go to patients and see what they see as spirituality. Very often that takes away the conflict between spirituality and medicine; they don't have to be in opposition."

But whereas many in crisis, like yourself, feel solace by experiencing God’s presence, others feel betrayed. I’m reminded of another man about 55 years old who, prior to his hearing loss, held spiritual beliefs which did not account for undeserved suffering. Bad things could not happen to good people. He did not find solace in Scripture or in biblical stories, such as Job, which would have justified and even deified his suffering. Instead, he deemed God as having committed the ultimate sin against him. His outragemarked a beginning of his re-defining his spiritual beliefs.

As the topic of God is sensitive and often misunderstood, permit me to again emphasize that I’m not endorsing or proselytizing a particular spiritual path or, for that matter, any path at all. There’s an old query: “Is God a figment of our imagination? Or are we a figment of His?” At least for the purpose of our present dialogue, it need not matter. From my experience, typically people who have experienced any major loss strive to articulate what influence spirituality does and does not play in their lives. There are many possible outcomes to this struggle: our imagination of God may lead us to feel comfort, gratitude, anger, or fear; some of us are “re-born”; some feel connected to a “larger whole" or “higher power.”

I once worked with a woman who had awakened from her sleep to find herself profoundly deaf. She, too, struggled with defining God and concluded that “it would be so easy to believe that God will take care of everything; but I don’t believe there is one.” She defined her spirituality differently. In her own words,

"As the sun rose, I took a walk in the woods. The sun came up over the trees, through the mist, exposing the splendor of greens and other colors of the woods. Although I guess it may sound corny to you, it was an epiphany for me… It was then I knew that everything would be okay."

So there are many possible answers to the “God-question.” Rather than label certain answers as right or wrong, we can illuminate our struggle to formulate spiritual questions and answers; for it is this inquiry, this process, this struggle - regardless of the specific outcome – that is so important for those who have incurred any major loss, including hearing loss. In other words, all of us.

With that caveat in mind, I am happy to print your letter.

 

Michael A. Harvey, Ph.D., is a noted author and clinical psychologist whose specialty is psychotherapy for persons with hearing loss. He regularly lectures both nationally and internationally, including at several SHHH Conventions over the past 20 years. In addition to a private practice in Framingham, Massachusetts, he holds adjunct faculty positions at Boston University; Pennsylvania College of Optometry, School of Audiology; and previously at Gallaudet University. His latest book is titled The Odyssey of Hearing Loss: Tales of Triumph, published by Dawn Sign Press and available from the SHHH Publications Catalog. His fourth book -- Family Narratives of Hearing Loss: The Transformative Power of Dialogue -- is due out this year.